Amusing reasons to give people for why you shaved your beard for the first time in 10 years
- You were in the Witness Protection Program, but now you’re not.
- You lost it in a game of strip poker. A rather cut-throat game.
- You’ve finally collected enough crumbs to subsist for the indefinite future.
- You have recently rediscovered your obsession with sharp objects.
- What beard?
- You committed a crime, and you’re trying to throw off the police.
- You’ve succumbed to a trichophagic bacterial infection.
- You’re suffering from a tragic case of sudden-onset facio-focal trichotillomania.
- You were forcibly shaved for being a collaborator.
- You prefer cold cheeks.
- You’ve been in disguise all this time — you’re not who they thought you were!
- Just for kicks, you wanted to re-live your teenage glory years by trying to learn how to shave all over again.
- It’s a new weight loss program you invented — you just lost 5 lbs. overnight!
- You wanted to look 10 years younger, because you miss being carded at bars and/or movies.
- Grizzly Adams? Santa Claus? Charles Darwin? Sigmund Freud? Gandalf? Da Vinci? Idiots who knew nothing about proper facial hair maintenance.
- You weren’t spending those extra 10 minutes in the morning doing anything else useful, so why the hell not spend them scraping hair off your face?
- You’re adopting a new nickname — “Baby-face” — and you figured you should do your best to look the part.
- Your significant other prefers a nice sand-papery stubble.
- You’re hoping it will grow back in a cool pattern or color.
- FNORD.
